It's as if there is something hanging over us. Something that wasn't there before. It seems that we each have a part of us that is waiting for it to leave so that we can go on with "life as usual".
What a crock...
MCL has certainly changed how we live our lives. Most of Michael's waking hours are spent attending to it. If, instead of being MCL, it was a newborn child, we would be spending most of our waking (and sleeping) hours attending to that child, but we wouldn't be waiting for it to leave! We would be taking in every moment of our wonderful life.
The mind does funny things, doesn't it? THIS is our wonderful life!
Today I have entertained the possibility that we can be more fully engaged with all of "this". Over the last four months, we have integrated this diagnosis quite a bit. But I want to go even deeper with it. I want to accept it exactly as it is, embracing and enjoying all of the rituals that have become our new way of living. Not looking at the things we do as chores that have to be done in order to deal with an unwanted guest, but holding them as loveable ingredients in this precious life.
There is no perfect future to wait for. We are here.
***
We took my mom to the Pearl Street Mall in Boulder yesterday - a Fatherless Father's Day excursion. We were drawn into the perfection of "right now" as we watched children fully engaged in play in a fountain area.
The girl with the striped pants and the cup on the right just kept trying to catch water, but each fountain is only on for a few seconds. She never got her cup filled, but it seemed that the process was much more important than the success of a full cup. She was very diligent.
I love the look of the water hanging in the air.
A precious look of wonder on the face of the kid in the diaper.
Let's Play!
2 comments:
Your first Father's Day without your father . . . I'm glad you found something fun to do. I love the look of wonder on the baby. May you find something that catches you like that!
G.G., I bet that my face had a similar look of wonder (even though it's much older) as I watched the kids playing in the fountains. Still, I'm for over-dosing on wonder as often as possible.
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